Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
