Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
