your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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