The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
a search helicopter?!
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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