After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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