Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
