Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Randomize
