I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
