well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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