watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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