I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
