Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
