i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
