I intend to get homeless drunk
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize