this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
