I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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