I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
