I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
