Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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