btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
it's like iHOP with fire
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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