you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize