your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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