oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
