I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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