You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Lo siento on account of my penis...
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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