I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
