I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was born a porn star she said
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
