I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
home. puking in laundry basket.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
