Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
When did angry sex become our thing?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
