Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
porn star boner night. come get it.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
be right there i have to get my cape
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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