finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
