I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
