I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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