oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
