I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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