I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
