Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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