too bad you live with your parents still
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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