We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
