its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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