'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
