I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Randomize
