I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
