There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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