I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
