he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
