I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
