Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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