I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
