Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
