You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
