question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
